I cannot sleep tonight
and it’s not because of all the chaos the world has invited into my life.
It’s simply the thought of missing you curled into me, breathing against my cheek while you sleep.
It’s the empty space behind my back where your warmth radiates against my skin and let’s me know I’m loved.
It’s the need to feel the rising and sinking of your chest under my head as I listen to your heartbeat slow to a whisper.
It’s the longing to have you in my arms when you’re miles away, and knowing what it feels like to be so far from home. Because you are my home.
It’s the ghost of your arm wrapped around my waist, holding me close to you even when you’re sound asleep.
It’s the ache in my heart when you’re not around that keeps me up tonight.
I cannot sleep tonight.”
Someday this song won’t make me cry.
Do you know how many nights I lay awake and watched you sleep?
Do you know how many times you had nightmares and I rubbed your hair and your back until you stopped?
Do you know that I notice every little fleck of colour in your eyes and how they change from hazel to green depending on how the sun catches them?
Do you know about all the times I lay in my bed planning our future together?
Did you know I buy the same glade plug ins that you do so my house smells like yours?
Do you know how many times I have poured everything I have into making you cards, writing you letters and notes, in the hopes that it would make you smile?
Do you know that I notice when you are tired and you do that funny thing with your eyes and I think it’s adorable?
Do you know how often I have listened to songs and wondered if they reminded you of me like they remind me if you?
Do you remember the day you first played the gaslight anthem for me when I lay on your bed in my underwear?
Do you know how much I love the smell of you on my pillows after you stay over?
Do you know that I remember every word of our very first Conversation on Facebook?
Do you remember how excited you were to tattoo me?
Remember our first night out together, whiskey and adventures and comic book talk and Mexican brawls and trying to check in taking forever at the borgata ?
Do you remember that long hungover drive home telling each other stories and getting to know each other?
Did you know I fell in love with you that day?
Do you remember getting home from AC and calling your work to tell them you weren’t gonna be in for a few hours and we ordered pizza and lay on your bed and watched twin peaks and you gave me a back massage?
Remember fancy dinner and having the movie theatre to ourselves and holding hands and walking around the city and laughing?
Remember crying in my arms and telling me how much you lived me and how you saw us with a family?
Those are just SOME of the things I remember that solidify how much I love and care about you. 1% of the memories I am grateful for, the things that I will cherish most. Forever.
No matter what.